Not having a real job leaves you with time on your hands. And while some people waste that time with TV and mindless amusements, I try to find more interesting things to do.
One of those things is writing letters. Angry letters, happy letters, letters to people I don’t know. The key is to let the moment strike, and write whatever letter fits for that moment.
Today’s inspiration was a piece of junk mail that was particularly obnoxious. It came from the UNICEF United States Fund, what I assume is a money raising wing of the United Nations program for children. The envelope said something like “THE ENCLOSED NICKEL COULD SAVE A CHILD’S LIFE” and there was a visible nickel-shaped bulge. Inside, sure enough, was a shiny nickel, glued to a letter addressed “Dear Friend of Children.” Hey, I thought, I’m not a “foe of children, am I?” There were also a large number of beautiful address labels with my name and address. And a long ask for cash.
While I am grateful for free money and free stuff, I feel that UNICEF probably has better things to spend money on than me. Considering that this was the second letter they sent, they’ve already spent a few bucks on things like printing, staff time, maybe for a name list exchange, and nickels. And I’m sure the person who though of this campaign makes thousand of dollars every month. And I’m sure the few bucks they spent on me and all the other people they junk-mailed could have been spent on children.
Whatever I think of UNICEF, and whatever my feelings on direct top-down foreign aid programs, this attempt to squeeze money out of me was completely over the top, and I decided to respond to their spam solicitation with a comical letter, which follows.
I hope that they respond.
